Stale

Curses! I said I wouldn't let it happen again and look what's happened! My blog has gone all stale and out of date. Again.

Not that it really matters as I don't have that many people drop in any more. Why should they? - it's all old news. Oh, poor, poor blog. I've neglected you so much.

Right. then. Let's get this tidied up and back on track.

My blog is about cake - kinda. Sadly I've given cake up. It's heart-breaking really. My digestive system has taken an absolute hammering over the last 40 years. I've put it through some tough stuff. Now, it's having it's revenge. I've had to give up some of my favourite things to stay healthy. It was grim at first but now it's kind of easy - it's all my own fault and I look back at the punishment I've inflicted on myself and I'm really not surprised! OK. List of things I can no longer eat/drink

• bread - absolute agony


• cake - see above


• biscuits - holy crap - more favourites wiped out. sob!


• pasta


• rice - only in small amounts


• wine - a particularly upsetting abstention


• champagne - could it get any worse?! But it's like drinking battery acid for me these days


• breakfast cereal - tragedy. I used to have cereal for dinner sometimes - I love it so much.


• milk - I never drank much milk anyway but full fat seems to be worst

Pleasingly vodka, chocolate, potatoes (which therefore means chips and crisps - yay!) and yoghurt are still fully accepted by my now moody, old-age body so all is not lost. Although I do look like a dirty old boozer drinking vodka tonics at the dinner table when everyone else is carping on about how excellent the wine is. God! I'm turning into Sue Ellen!! Meh! I'm over it.

So. How great is cake? Well. Obviously it is GREAT. But I don't get to eat it much now. However, I do allow it occasionally which makes it more of a treat.

On the upside of all this, I've lost about 2000 kilos and all my clothes are now too big. Perhaps I should change the blog to "How Great is Shopping"

I'm still totally obsessed by food though and my current passion is one I'm not proud of... I just can't eat enough crabsticks!! TOH and friends all look on with horror as I plough through tons of the things. Japan will soon be experiencing an unexplainable shortage and restaurants all over Tokyo will be out of business. I'll also be turning pinky orange and will smell, unattractively, of the wrong side of the wharf. I'm such a catch. TOH must feel so lucky.

Dubai has become just super-duper. Winter has set in and it's glorious. 30 degrees today with a cheeky breeze to freshen everything up. For the first time in months we've been able to turn the AC off and throw all of the doors and windows open. The cleaner will be shovelling sand from all of the corners as a result if the wind picks up but for now we're loving it. I even wore a jumper the other day - I felt chilly.

Right then. I'm off outside into the blue-sky day.

Ciao my lovelies!

snacks

It's been a while. Again. Miss me?

OK. I've lived in the UAE for a little over a year now and a lot has changed. I've decided to list my top 10 things that I like about living here.

1. It's always sunny. I'm from the UK, it makes a difference - believe me.

2. I can see the beach and the sea from my living room and I live on a cool marina.

3. I've made some great new friends.

4. The place is literally growing around us. It's sprouting out of the ground as we watch.

5. It is a city that never sleeps - there's always somewhere to go.

6. Food. Any kind of cuisine, from anywhere in the world is available almost always within a few minutes of my apartment.

7. Anything (and more) in point 6 can be delivered if I'm feeling lazy or hungover.

8. The architecture is bizarre, amazing and without limits. Some hate that but I think the triumphs in building the most ridiculous ideas are incredible.

9. Having a gym in my building has now actually forced me to get in shape, lose weight and look much healthier.

10. Sunsets. They don't last very long here but the unbelievable beauty would probably be too much to cope with if they went on any longer.

11. Crabsticks. I know, I know. I only said top 10 and you can get crabsticks anywhere. But I've become obsessed. Is that wrong? Aah pfft. Bite me.

Greek Mezze

Aah me... Aren't holidays great?! I've just got back from a totally awesome time in Mykonos. It'll take me too long to explain why it was so good but I met lots of new, amazing people who I hope that I'll stay in touch with - more importantly it made me realise just how much I miss my friends and what good friends they are. I don't mean this in a mopey, sad way but in a "my friends are ace and I'm pleased that they are there" kind of way.

I haven't laughed so often or for so long in ages. Mykonos is beautiful and spending time lolling on the beach and catching up was brilliant. Of course there was a LOT of people watching to do so I was incredibly busy being nosey whilst slurping on a beverage - more often than not a cheeky afternoon rose.

My diet consisted mainly of vodka, strawberry daiquiris (very masculine if held in the right way and absolutely packed with vitamin C... ) and chicken kebabs. Shocker of a health plan, I know, but I don't think I've ever been on holiday and lost weight before... until now. I guess I understand why it's rare that you see fat alcoholics...

Of course I came home with all sorts of Mamma Mia dreams; owning my own guesthouse, singing and dancing on rocky outcrops, having very attractive locals hovering 'round my doorstep from dawn 'til dusk - the usual kind of thing. They are all fading now as I realise it would be totally different and I'd spend most of the time stuffing laundry into a machine or my arm up a blocked u-bend. However, it has made me realise something quite important. It's not exactly a bolt from the blue but one of those "I knew that all of the time but why did I never really think about it" kinda things. I've travelled a lot and fallen in love with more or less every place I've been to (with a few ropey exceptions). My biggest love affair was (and still is in a small way) with Sydney. All Australians may smile gloatingly. But. My epiphany is that I want to live in Europe - preferable on the Mediterranean somewhere. It just feels so right. I love it. Now just need to decide exactly where...

My pics of the holidays are mostly of people getting absolutely plastered and looking tremendously jolly but I'm sure that most of them wouldn't want to make a guest appearance on my blog, so the picture is of the hilarious shoes of an enormous towering trannie that stood next to us at a sea front bar in downtown Mykonos...

Crumpet

Hello

Again it's been some time but not as long as before. At least I don't think it has been. Umm.

Let's start with crumpets. I've had a real longing for them the past couple of weeks. I'm not sure why but thoughts of them dripping with butter and covered in marmite and melted cheese haven't been far from my mind. Maybe it's because they're not so easy to find here. Apparently there is a supermarket in Abu Dhabi that has them frozen. Maybe I need to take a road trip to Abu Dhabi and load up.

It's been a packed couple of weeks. Last week I was instructed (read 'ordered') to fly to Dublin for one day of work. It was a total waste of time and only for PR purposes rather than real recruitment. It makes me kinda mad that I have to raise people's hopes and expectations, yet in reality they won't ever be offered a job. The purpose of the trip was actually to sell seats rather than offer jobs to people on the brink of being made redundant. I'm not enjoying this aspect of my role. It's a strange company angle on marketing. In my previous company, this kind of tactic would never have been used - and that was a company who milked every ounce of opportunity from every situation. It's for reasons like this, and many dreadful others, that I've started to look for a new job. I really like living in Dubai so I don't want to leave. However, I can't live here without a visa and there are no visas without a job. So I have to find myself a new one before I can tell my current employers that they stink. I'll keep you all posted on progress. A recruitment professional looking for recruitment work during a recession... hmmmm... could be a while before something comes up!

I cooked a chicken for the first time in our apartment. Well, I say 'chicken'. The chickens on sale here are tiny. It's like stuffing a chaffinch. For 6 people I had to buy 2 birds, and I felt that was going to be a stretch. I made extra potatoes and stuff to fill everyone up. Dinner was a success. Hilariously, people didn't seem too arsed about the chicken - they were more excited about the potatoes - there were 2 Lebanese guests, 1 Indian and 1 Emirati. Roasted potatoes don't seem to feature in the cuisines from their homes. Who knew?! Roasted potatoes are cool.

It's Ramadan here now so we're not permitted to eat or drink in public during daylight hours. The place virtually grinds to a halt as the muslim followers get more and more tired as the month passes. It's so hot at the moment so it must be so difficult for them to get through to sunset before they can break their fast - even water is not permitted. However, as soon as that sun everyone eats like there's no tomorrow. It's great! There is no music in bars/restaurants and the atmosphere is much more subdued. Shops generally don't open until after sunset, restaurants/cafes are closed. So. What to do? Why, feck off to Mykonos - that's what!

In 6 days we're flying to glorious Greece and beautiful Mykonos. I can't wait. This time next week I'll be stuffing my face with dolmades and slurping on retsina.

I'll post about it on my return.

Quick Snack

Yet again, time has dragged on, mountains have risen and fallen, oceans have run dry and new species have evolved before being wiped out by pollution. I haven't posted for an age. Yet again, I have absolutley no excuse.

In fact right now, I can't even think of anything to post about. Cake? Hmmm... there has been some excellent cake in the past few weeks. Two worthy of note have been a terrifyingly good carrot cake at Lime Tree Cafe and a mind blowingly large slab of 'red velvet' at the Chocolate Cafe in Dubai Mall. The first was devoured immediately but I spent quite a bit of time during cake consumption using my best defensive fork manoeuvres to prevent George (my cake buddy) from scoffing all of the gooey cream filling bits before I could get a share. TOH arrived half way through so only enjoyed the crumbs. The Red Velvet was a total surprise (I'd only popped in for a drink of tea). It was the size of a small Fiat and covered in butter cream icing. My arteries hardened even as it was being walked to our table. TOH put on his best smug grin at my overindulgence... until his cupcake arrived. I think the work 'cup' was used loosely, as any receptacle that big surely must be considered a 'bowl'. My cake was too vast to finish and I left defeated and shamed by a mountain of dense red sponge.

I've also been on a fabulous holiday to Corsica - just before the dreadful forest fires started. It's such a beautiful place and I'd happily go back. I overindulged there so much, I actually made myself ill! Will I ever learn? Apparently not. This is the view from our villa at sunset. Also featured is me with the same sunset.

Summer is in full swing here now and the humidity is intense. I feel I need scuba gear just to walk to the shop around the corner. However, the good news is that summer is almost half over (when do you ever hear someone say that...?) which means we'll be able to enjoy outdoor living again in about 6 weeks. Yay!

Toast

Whilst I love a bit of toast – especially with Marmite – this post isn’t really about crispy, burned bread. Although thinking about it now, I could really go a munch on some buttery toast, perhaps with a bit of cheese….

I digress. I’m talking about the kind of toast one has with champagne – as in raising one’s glass.

My toast goes to Dubai; more specifically, to our apartment in Dubai. The apartment was successfully launched last weekend when we invited a few friends over before hitting the town. We’d planned a few drinks, some nibbles and some polite chit-chat. Instead we got through gallons of booze, the nibbles went ignored and the chat was seriously on the wrong side of decorous…

It was also the first time since moving to the UAE that I truly felt that I live here and actually have a life here. After being unhappy for quite a while, then gradually getting used to the place, I hadn’t realised that’s all it was for me at the time – I was just used to it, not necessarily enjoying it. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hate it any more - it was fine - but last weekend reminded me how much I used to love the life I had in London and I felt for the first time, in a long time, that I was having that same kind of life here, now that we’ve moved to Dubai.

I reckon part of it was also having a house full of people. When we first moved to this country we had a very small circle of friends which was unusual, for me at least. I was lucky as one of those friends is my oldest friend and having her here was an enormous help. Without her and TOH I’d have probably packed my bags and moved home within a couple of months. Since we moved to Dubai, we’ve made more friends in a few weeks than we did in our 8 months of Abu Dhabi life. I guess it’s because there are more chaps of ‘lavender persuasion’ in Dubai and those we have met have been so welcoming and inclusive that we already feel kinda warm and fuzzy about the place. Last weekend we met even more people – friends bring friends etc - there were some new faces that I definitely hope we’ll see again and become good friends with. It’s always nice to have someone to meet up with for a cup of coffee and a biscuit. Or maybe a hulking huge piece of cake. Hmmm… actually, I haven’t found anyone to eat cake with yet. Everyone we’ve met in Dubai is super-toned and buff. I felt a bit like Hagrid when stood next to Dubai’s cute, young things. If I can’t find anyone, I shall corrupt one of the more vulnerable guys. Alternatively, I could find a lady – they’re always up for some sinful eating and usually don’t suffer as much guilt as the beach-body boys that Jumeirah proudly presents.

***stop press*** The lovely George has offered to be my partner-in-cake. Thank you George - although I want to see you demolish some serious amounts of cake and I want to see a spare tyre building up within 3 months or you'll be sacked.

Whilst I’m on the subject of the beach, I was down at Jumeirah Beach last weekend. Again, I felt like Hagrid - this time in shorts - when sprawled next to strapping hotties. Even the sea offered no escape as it’s so warm it’s like stepping into a jacuzzi. It was actually cooler leaving the sea into 40 degree heated air, I almost felt relieved.
I like Jumeirah Beach – it’s busy in a fun way and the potential for people watching is enormous. I spent most of the time sat, like a meerkat in sunglasses, observing beach life. I love it!

Already the weekend is here again. We have no plans. I quite fancy some more lively entertainment but we’ll see how things pan out. If nothing else, I could just drink wine and watch the world drift by on the marina. It’s better than telly!!

btw the pics are of our apartment and the view in one direction from our balcony.

Pfftt...

I'm out of excuses. I'm just slack at blogging these days.

This morning whilst going out for breakfast I decided I'd take my camera along to get some neighbourhood pics to use as a post. It was a lovely morning - 34 degrees - with a bit of a breeze to keep the burn at bay. We landed at an Italian cafe at the beach and ordered coffee and breakfast, I decided it was time to whip out my camera and take a few snaps. I got one under my belt - a bit of a warmer upper I guess you could call it - then there was a gentle buzz, a small click and my camera tidied itself away for a battery depleted nap. Bugger! The pic here isn't mine. It's Jumeirah Beach, just in front of where I had breakfast.

I had plans of a fruity, oaty, cereal based breakfast with perhaps a cheeky helping of yoghurt, however I caved in and had an aubergine, mozarella and mushroom panini instead. I did have a skimmed latte though, as a respectful nod in the direction of healthy eating.

The gentlemen passing the cafe today were as yummy as my breakfast. It was a good job I was wearing sunglasses as my meerkat impersonation was absolutely shameless. TOH was pretending to read the newspaper but I could tell he was paying attention as he read the same page for ages before I challenged him about it!

The pleasant morning suddenly got scorching hot so we made a run for it and since then I've been wrestling with my iTunes which has gone totally crackers and is unable to find the folders for any of my music. The advice from the world's geeks has been helpful but also useless - something they honestly advised that I should be prepared for.

Another battle we're having right now is with a large army of the UAE's most intelilgent ants. How the heck they're getting in to our kitchen is a secret we've yet to discover but they've maintained a constant presence near the teabags for about a week now. Who knew? Ants like a brew in the afternoon like the rest of us. Perhaps they're also quite smart in assuming that where there's tea, there's quite possibly a good chance that there'll be biscuits. Foolish ants!! Don't they realise that biscuits go stale in seconds here if they're not kept in the fridge? Maybe this is just a diversionary tactic and whilst we're watching their small-time investigations, there's an enormous squadron of them making off with the contents of the freezer and the booze cupboard. Note to self... check booze cupboard.

We've settled in to our neighbourhood now and we're getting the hang of where everything is. On Thursday evening we went to Buddha Bar for dinner - it's just across the Marina from where we live so it's kind of one of our local restaurants. It's very cool and the food was great. TOH and I got far too tipsy on cocktails and wine but it was a great evening.

We're a little sad that the summer is more or less here which means that we won't be able to make much use of our huge terrace. It gets far too hot in summer - temperatures last week were up to 47 degrees but the humidity in August and September is immense; breathing outside is like trying to breath under water.

TOH has just returned home with a massive bush for the terrace. Apparently it's quite happy to live in the heat but requires watering every day. I'll give it 3 weeks before we're having some kind of plant removal...

FREE FOOD!!

OK. I haven't posted for a while. I've been packing. Well. Not true. I've been thinking about packing to move house but in the end I hired someone else to do it. They packed in a fraction of the time it would have taken me, it was all done tidily, without damage and they did it all with such good humoured high spirits that it was almost pleasurable moving home. Again. For the 4th time in 8 months.

I now live in Dubai. I love it. I love it. There's just one thing though. I can't stop loving it. My neighbourhood is just too marvellous to cope with. My internet isn't yet connected so I'm sat in the coffee shop across the road and they have a happy hour every weekday evening between 6-9pm when they serve free food! Could anyone believe just how ecstatic this makes me feel? And it's not just a few crisps and dry old nuts (no comments please). It's full on sandwiches, canapes (v swanky I tell ya) and cake-tastic cakery!! I'm considering a profiterole. I know! I KNOW!! Free profiteroles. Paradise.

OK. Back to my new home. Not sure if I've mentioned it yet but I love it. It has a vast wraparound balcony that I could possibly convert into a fully functional 10 pin bowling alley with snack and drinks service at one end. The view is of the marina, the beach/sea, and in one direction the Palm Jumeirah. I can't wait to leave work each day to get home and sit and gaze out at my view. I don't think I'll tire of it.

As soon as the internet is up and running later this week I'll post some pics.

I'm just fizzing with contentment. Right. Time for a bit of cake.

Light Snack

Yet again my blog posting performance is dismal. But I have been doing stuff – honest! Work has been surprisingly quiet but other things have been hectic. I had my parents come to stay which was great. They really loved the place and it was weird seeing the city (which has caused me tons of stress) through their eyes. They thought it was an awesome place to visit. I’m not sure how they’d feel if they lived here but they certainly enjoyed their holiday.

The bed in the spare room wasn’t even cold before our next house guest arrived. One of our good friends came to stay to get some longed for sunshine, after the grim, snowy cold of the UK winter. Alas… Mother Nature had a whole different set of plans set aside. I went to the airport to collect him and parked my car on a balmy, warm evening. He landed, collected his bags and we walked outside and into a savage sandstorm, the likes of which I’d never seen here before. By the time we’d dashed to the car and loaded it up, I felt like I’d spent weeks on a beach. If I’d much hair left it would have looked like a surfer’s after a few days of serious saltwater treatment. I was tipping sand out of my ears for days afterwards. Don't even mention exfoliation...

The weather continued to misbehave; the sandstorms were cleared away by torrential rain and amazing thunderstorms. All fairly unusual for a desert climate in March. In the week that he stayed here, our sun-seeking guest had only 2 mornings of sunshine. Ironically, as soon as he left the sun returned and the heat hit us like a sledge-hammer.

We’ve been traipsing backward and forward to Dubai so often at weekends - to take visitors and to meet friends - that we decided we might as well just give in and move there. The last few weekends have been spent exploring apartments and we’ve found one we really like. There are a few minor hurdles to be cleared with our current apartment – hopefully they won’t become major ones and prevent us from moving. I can’t wait. I’ve always liked Dubai. It’s lively, brassy and has more going on. Someone described it as Las Vegas on steroids. It kind of is. Hopefully we’ll be living at the marina which means we’ll be by the sea and I’ll be able to see it from every window. That alone will make me incredibly happy.

We just need a big van and someone to help lug our stuff about so that we can move for the fourth time in 7 months. Sheesh…

p.s. the pic is how the marina and the Palm Jumeira looked a few years ago before work really started. It's nearly finished now. The building I'll be living in isn't even on the picture but is on the far right of the marina where there are some boats. We'll have views of the sea, the palm and the marina. Opinion is divided on the whole project. Whatever you think, you can't deny that it's a major feat of engineering. None of it is natural. I love a bit of tat so I'm very much looking forward to living in a area of such hilarious campery!

a few crumbs..

OK... It's been a while again. Sorry. I've been a busy chap. The weather has been glorious, I've had my parents visiting (which was great), we have another visitor arriving this week which will be fun and we've been to Dubai a few weekends of late having a brilliant time with our new friends there.

I really haven't had a moment to sit and blog. Until today. I intended to laze around the apartment doing very little apart from grazing through the piles of biccies that mum and dad left for us and play on my x-box.

I was just settling down for my scheduled mid-morning nap when my phone rang. My friend, who lives around the corner, sounded a bit panic-stricken. She was doing a spot of spring cleaning and whilst bending down to pick up some detritus that had gathered in her corners (she's not the most house-proud of ladies...) her back gave out and left her on all fours in her hallway. She had to crawl to her phone to seek assistance. We have a key to her place so we dashed 'round with painkillers and deep-heat in hand. We found her face down, beached on her bed, flailing uselessly for a pillow. I had to stifle a guffaw. She was in pain but in good spirits. Her main concern was that she was wearing her 'cleaning outfit'. On assisting her to manouvre on to her back I realised 'cleaning outfits' apparently don't include a bra. Fortunately, her extremely curvy feminine curves were swathed in a voluminous yellow t-shirt. We made sure she was propped up appropriately and promised to return with a selection of dvd's, food and medical supplies.

On return to our apartment, I sat down with a drink and a book, intending to get through a couple of chapters. I woke up 90 minutes later (some nap!). What a shockingly bad friend! I called her and she had found solace in our other friend who lives a few floors down in her building (we'd left the door on the latch - here's one of the few places left on earth that you can still do that) and they were awaiting their KFC delivery. Yes! KFC deliver here. Mmmm.... chicken. I switched on my x-box for some guilt-free gaming.

Anyway. I must blog more constructively so I'll think about a post over the next day or two, I'll get some pics of the city on here as well. Now, where did I leave my book...

Another Slice of Petra

My 40th birthday dawned, bright and clear. The forecast had been for rain but when we peered out of the window it was a sunny day with an amazing blue sky. We raced down to breakfast, then out of the hotel to the gates of the National Park. It was bloody cold! It's strange - living here in the UAE, I haven't experienced cold ears for 6 months.

We walked off down the pathway towards the Siq. It was quite a contrast to the night before. The place was buzzing with Jordanian horsemen galloping up and down, offering rides to The Siq or a donkey to The Treasury. Most of the donkeys were tiny and I felt that if I were to get on one, my feet would drag on the ground. Poor little donkeys. For some reason that I can't explain, I'm a huge donkey fan. Bizarre. They have such a rubbish lot in life don't they? All that toil and burden. Yet they plod on and on with such calm docility, with the occasional bout of cranky, stubborn refusal, but who wouldn't in their situation? Before I move on to the rest of the day I need to make a note about the Jordanian horsemen... Yowsers! Those boys were seriously worth watching for a bit. So we did... Apart from their obvious skill at handling such noble beasts, they were HOT! Maybe it was just the manly and commanding way that they controlled their horses - a lot of them riding bareback - we felt giddy each time one of them romped up to us and offered a ride.

Anyway, after regaining our composure we continued our walk to The Siq. The following were some sights along the way.

This is the entrance to a tomb. There are lots of them carved into the sandstone hills surrounding Petra.

This building really reminds of something from The Flintstones.

This is the entrance to The Siq. It used to have an enormous arch between the two cliffs. It looks fairly unimposing, which was the point. For centuries after the city was abandoned it was kept a secret; Bedouins used to defend it and deter strangers from discovering it.

This is me in The Siq. Some of it has large cobbles, other parts has just sand. It's uneven and at times quite narrow. As you can see, it was almost empty because it's winter.

This is part way along The Siq. It's unusual as it's one of the few tombs in The Siq itself.

At last! The end of The Siq and The Treasury is almost in view.

It's an amazing, magical kind of place. This is only one tiny part of it. The ravine opens up to an enormous vallley surrounded on all sides by cliffs and mountains, all carved with buildings and tombs. Most of them aren't as well preserved as The Treasury but the detail and work in the carving is stunning.

Now that I'm home, it all seems like a dream. It's worth a visit. Do it now before it all turns to dust. Apparently, in summer it's now so popular that it has the same amount of visitors as the Pyramids in Cairo. In winter the place feels like it's all yours. Special.

Cake...with far too many candles

Ok. My life has, according to ancient lore, officially started. I wasn't sure how I'd feel about it so I avoided thinking about it until it actually happened. Now that I'm here at this age, the view isn't any different. Phew!

To celebrate my monumental coming of age I decided that, as my friends were all so far away (see previous post), I would sneak off somewhere fabulous to contemplate what being 40 really means. I chose Petra as a perfect spot for such thoughts.

Did I choose right? Well, no, not really. Why? It's just too stunning to have anything else in your head. Really. It's mind-blowing.

Many - oh heck! MANY - years ago whilst watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade I thought "what a cool location - where did they build that?" When I found out it's a real place I was determined that I'd get there eventually.

Last weekend, I packed my hat, my whip and my passport and headed to Amman, Jordan. We arrived in a sandstorm and could hardly see beyond the bonnet of the car that collected us to drive the 2.5 hour journey to Petra. The driver explained that the highway was closed so we'd have to drive a more circuitous route, which would take approx. 4 hours. We both groaned. Not only because a 4 hour car journey with deafening Jordanian music is enough to weaken the toughest resolve but because we (well.. I) had our hearts set on seeing Petra by night - more on this later.

Anyway, the driver zoomed off at terrifying speed through the shifting walls of sand whilst chatting to friends and family on his mobile - heaven only knows how they could hear each other. After 20 minutes of driving we stopped for some better mobile reception and the driver announced that the highway 'might' be open so we'd risk it but take it slow. He slowed down to the snail-like pace of 140kph and we plunged on into the red-brown dust. The driving was worthy of stunt car status and the road unworthy to be called 'road'. However, we pulled up at the hotel at 6pm - two and a half hours before the Petra by Night walk. Hurray! The driver even called ahead to hold some tickets - he had a space between calls.

We checked out the hotel - Arabian, tiles, fountains, lamps, palm trees - and then walked to the entrance of the national park. It was a chilly night, I'd had beer to celebrate our arrival, I needed to pee...

Our guide explained we should walk single file, follow the candles and don't leave the trail ("wish I'd brought my whip" I thought...)

The walk to Petra is a couple of miles long, most of which is through the 'Siq' a large natural ravine cutting through the desert. There were candles set out along the whole route and we walked in silence until we got to the entrance of the ravine, where we were held for a few minutes whilst the guide flashed his torch ahead to another guide to make sure the candles were lit so we could find our way. The ravine is quite narrow in places and the footing uneven. The whiff of donkey poo was quite apparent too - during the day, you can ride a donkey to save your weary legs. There was some very careful walking...

It was so dark as there was no moon so we only had the candlelight to follow. The ravine ends quite abruptly, unexpectedly, and we tumbled out into the opening right in front of The Treasury bathed in a hazy, ghostly glow of candles and mist. I was so excited, it was so beautiful, I felt a bit emotional - what a girl! But really! It literally took my breath away. Entertainingly, the only sound to be heard was a grumpy feral cat that had been disturbed by our arrival. It set up a right din but it all added to the atmosphere.

This picture is the only one that I could get with any detail. It was so dark, I was too excited and my camera obviously wasn't up to the task. You get the idea anyway.

We were invited to sit on reed mats and given mint tea whilst a local Bedouin played his flute, then our guide told us a local folk story. Then it was time to go. I didn't want to. The only thing that made it ok to leave was the knowledge I'd be back the next day, my birthday, to see it in broad daylight. I was also absolutely bursting to pee. The walk back seemed like an eternity. What with dodging donkey dung and walking carefully so I didn't pee my pants! Yowsers.

I'll post about the next day soon as this one is already a bit of a ramble.

Big Cake

Hmm... Where to start...? It's all a blur.

OK. The weekend. I got home from work on Thursday evening (weekends here are Friday and Saturday) and TOH was blustering about telling me we had to be ready to leave the apartment at 7.15pm sharp. I was a bit baffled as TOH is the world's most rubbish time-keeper and being hurried along by him was something especially alien to our lives.

Obviously we were late - despite rushing me, he couldn't help but ignore his own advice. I was hustled off to the Emirates Palace - an enormous swanky-as-ya-like hotel on the sea-front and was given a cocktail whilst TOH prattled into his phone to our friend Phil who was running late. Phil is never late. Phil likes booze too much and anything that cuts down on valuable drinking time is against all Phil holds dear. Phil arrived. Without Laura, his wife (also strange as Laura loves booze only a little bit less than Phil). After some extensive and incredibly pointless blathering on from Phil about Laura's tardy arrival my suspicions were tingling - let's call it 'cake-senses'. I needed another drink - it'd been one of those weeks - so I ordered one and then popped off to the gents. On my return Phil had disappeared to 'meet Laura and the girls' and my fresh drink had been snatched away and I was being jostled along away from my seat. Not only were my suspicions aroused but I was getting bloody cranky! All this shoving about and depriving me of a drink was really giving me the arse!

We moved on to another bar (Emirates Palace is enormous and has many). Laura was sat at the bar with Jane and Jess. All of them had nearly finished their drinks. How come? Laura was supposed to have been running late. Hmmm. I asked for a drink and someone offered to get me one. After some polite chit-chat my drink still hadn't arrived. It still hadn't been ordered. I decided to get one myself and was about to hop off my bar stool when some woman tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I could pass her the cocktail menu. Weirdly, she bore a strong resemblance to my friend Jayne. She was with a woman who looked like my friend Julie. They were smiling at me strangely. It just didn't add up and people were taking photos whilst I stood dazed and confused. It wasn't right. Jayne and Julie live in London. I needed a bit of a sit down whilst everyone guffawed and proclaimed this was the first time they've ever seen me speechless. Jayne gave me her drink. Thank fuck for that!

Next week it's my birthday. It's a significant one. Because most of my friends live a long way away I didn't see any point in having a massive event, so I decided I'd like to go to Petra to see the whole place lit with candlelight on my 40th birthday instead.

TOH agreed and booked it all for me. However, he had other plans for the weekend before my actual birthday and flew some of my friends out to celebrate. How he managed to keep it all a secret is beyond me - his ability to keep secrets is worse than his ability to keep time.

Amazing.

Everyone left this morning. When I got home from work this afternoon it only really dawned on me that my friends have just been here for the weekend and now they're gone. I felt happy and yet really sad. When I moved here I missed them all quite badly. I'd gotten over it but now, after this weekend...

Sand - wich anyone?

Yikes. Something wierd must be going on. My second post in less than a week. Unless I'm careful, I could turn into some kind of serial blogger.

I was aimlessly drifting to my car - read being swept along on a gritty, stiff breeze - after work one evening earlier this week and I thought I'd take a few snaps of the view from my office. Well, not actually my office. My office doesn't have any windows and has my team of ten squashed into the space of a Honda Civic. What I mean, is the building in which my office is contained. It was such a lovely evening I simply had to share.

Here you go... go on! Drink it all in and enjoy...

That view! It's a beaut ain't it?! Until a week ago (when the car park was actually finished) that flat bit in front of the sandy hummocks was where I had to park my car. My shoes were buggered.

I know, I know. It makes me emotional to look at it too. Imagine what it's like in reality? Can you possibly imagine? I'll bet you can't.

You can almost smell the cranes can't you? I'm a lucky guy. I get to see this every day. Anyone who wants to come stay is very welcome, but I warn ya... book ahead, it's gonna be soooo busy.

Here's a pic of one of my fave landmarks in Dubai - no, really. I actually do like this one. I didn't at first, but now I kinda like it. Possibly beacause it scares me. It's currently the tallest building in the world. And it's not even finished yet! gulp!

Sooo shiny.

over-indulgence

Yikes.

I did it again. But not in a Britney way. Actually, no. That's not entirely true. I gave it some serious Britney, but without the kids and the total minger of an ex-husband. I'm even bald, although that's not a conscious or favourable decision.

This evening I've been out on the razz. Nothing new there. However, this is Abu Dhabi and therefore anything more exciting than the shipping forecast is breaking news, so my evening is worthy of a post.

Granted, I'm slightly frayed by a trying week so I was vulnerable to rose wine, amaretto and then beer. But. This does not explain why I ended up in a nightclub full of sweaty old ex-pats and Filipino trannies and hookers. No-one was more surprised than me! Then again, no-one adpated as quickly as I did plus the band were quite fun. After a few belters of soft-rock I was more than happy to sway on the spot and chuckle at the shenanigans going on around me - desperate blokes trying to persuade hookers with enough cash to say "no thanks" is an interesting thing to observe. Back to that in a min. Let's discuss the band...

A drummer (I'd love to be a drummer), a man wrenching noise from a guitar, a frustrated Iron Maiden wannabe lead singer and five (yes five) unbelievably ropey scrubbers standing about in muffin top trousers and gauzy tops, thrashing nasty hair extensions around with little attention or care for the music. The crowd were enthralled. I was convinced that the booze was spiked. It had to be. Everyone seemed to think the band were good enough to fill Wembley stadium - my beer bottle seemed to be permanently empty. The applause was deafening, the tsunami of love for the band was unfathomable.

It was weird. The band was totally pants. Yet... I kinda liked it. No-one cared. It was one of the ugliest crowds that's possible outside a maximum security psychiatry unit. But still, no-one cared. Everyone was getting on with having a good time/counting how much cash they had left to 'enjoy' the lady with the false leg/attempting to find a beat to dance to.

I literally reek of fags and booze. My life here has made me shift gear. I used to love bars and clubs that had an element of cool. I liked being part of something that was cutting edge, new and ever changing. I guess I still do. Here? Pfft! That kind of lifestyle is 10-15 years away in this city - longer now that the global economic downturn has halted all development. But I've decided to get my fun where I can find it. It's hidden away, it's hard to find but I'm using my best sleuthing techniques to dig it out. I haven't even begun to explain the scene for 'gentlemen' in Dubai... that's a whole other post.

TOH was a hit with the ladies (nothing new there). I'm sure he could have had any number of freebies had he been inclined. I live life in Ugly Betty Corner so even the whores breezed past without a glance (note to self, must try to appear wealthy). It was fun. I enjoyed myself. It's not the kind of evening out I'd choose often, but once in a while it felt good to let loose in a place where no-one cares what you do unless you're paying them to.

Broken cake

Well.

Here it is, a brand-spanking, shiny new year. Hold on. Scratch that. It's already slightly tarnished by January.

I realise I haven't posted for near eternity and the cake of my blog is dry, crumbly and seriously undernourished. Bad me! I'd like to say that I shall start afresh and promise to be a much better blogger, but it would be a whopper of a fib and none of the stalwart readers who are still faithful enough to drop in from time to time would believe me. So. I promise that I'll try.

In my post before Christmas I asked for suggestions. I will get to them but thought an update would be a good idea.

I still live in Abu Dhabi. "So what?!" I hear. But since my arrival 5 months ago - can't believe it's been that long already - there have been many times when I have wanted to dump the whole thing and return to London where I felt safe, secure and understood. Now? I feel different. I've moved into a new apartment, I can unpack my things - my pc being one of them - I can feel that I'm at least slightly settled in my own 'home'. I have also realised that Dubai is so close that as soon as I require a weekend of sin and debauchery we just hop in to the car and head to the Vegas of the east (without casinos obviously!).

It's not perfect here. I don't love it, I don't think I ever will but now I guess it's manageable and in times of very crunchy credit I do realise I'm better off here than so many others elsewhere. I even have a man who washes my car every morning so it's super shiny when I whizz out from our parking garage into the dusty streets, getting it all dirty again to make tomorrow's wash worthwhile. I think I may have found my sense of humour, some enthusiasm and a ray of hope whilst digging through boxes of treasures to unpack. Phew.

Now that I have somewhere to live, have access to my stuff and I'm perkier about the place, I'll take some photos and post them soon.

What else...? Work. Hmmm... work is pants. Isn't it always?! This is bad pants though. Awful saggy arsed, chewing gum grey pants with frayed elastic. It's not panning out how I expected. I can't deny that I actually do hate it. But. I promised TOH that I wouldn't get upset about it or complain any more. Every day is so bad that it's just becoming the norm. The other day whilst driving to work I wondered if this is what it's like being bullied. Hating something so much that you just want to drive straight past and pretend it's something that never really existed - or not actually leave home at all. I'm not so delicate as all that though so I'm toughing it out. Fortunately, I'm as stubborn as a grumpy old donkey so I refuse to let it beat me - I hate to lose too.

My plan to lose about 14,000 kilos isn't actually going to plan either but I've eaten salad this week so that's a start! I just need to eat it every day. For about the next 20 years. The gym-on-the-roof is massive and incredibly well stocked with useful machinery and devices - so I'm reliably informed by a muscle-bound, health-freak Abu Dhabi friend. They all look kinda the same to me so I'll need a guided tour and a full orientation day - I'll take a packed lunch and some magazines in case it gets too upsetting. I need to motivate myself. I have one month to begin my transformation, as I shall be hitting a certain age very soon and at this weight I'm liable to take out a few city blocks when that impact occurs. If I trim down a bit I can minimise damage and possibly fit into my clothes to celebrate my life actually starting, as befits folk-lore, and I intend to continue the health plan for all my remaining days. I love a positive plan... pfft.

So. That's me. Is it time for beer?

New on the menu...

A man is installing my pc. Right now! Another is building my desk whilst yet another is bolting my chair together. Good times!! None of them are in the least bit attractive, so watching their labours isn't at all entertaining. Bad times.

The outcome of such industry is that I will soon be properly connected to the world. I shall post again. I'll have access to iTunes. The joy!

I'm giddy. No really. Totally giddy. I need a lie down before I hurt myself...