Sushi

Just back from a damp and grey Mallorca, heavy cold firmly established and now I'm dashing off to Tokyo. This time it's for work. Interviewing for a couple of batches of new recruits.

I'll give more details about both Mallorca and Tokyo when I get back in just over a week's time.

Inspired by travel to Japan and the sensitive and super deep Muzbot, I've had a bash at my first haiku. Apologies if it's pants and upsets the delicate creative balance of the universe. Here goes...

Tokyo's autumn warmth
Dreams made real, some hopes shattered
My heart yearns for K

hmmm...

Out to Lunch...

...in Mallorca!

Normal service will be resumed on Wednesday when I return, hopefully tanned and stuffed to the gizzards with Spanish food.

Have a super weekend if you've dropped by to say hi.

x

Left Overs...

I wasn't sure if I should include any more of my old (now very old!) diary entries from when I backpacked around vast swathes of the earth some 13 - 14 years ago. I decided that anyone reading it would get bored with my yesteryear pretty soon but thought I'd include just one more entry as a post here.

This entry was my last of the whole 2 years of backpacking. It had been a long, eventful trip and I wouldn't have changed a moment of it back then. Now? I wish I'd taken more pictures, kept in touch with all of those amazing people I met and really, REALLY made sure that I treasured every second of it. Of course now I look back, all of those seconds I can remember are but only a fraction of the whole, so I value them greatly.

By the time I wrote this entry I'd changed as a person. I realised that I valued my friends more, how much I really missed my family but not my home and that I just couldn't believe I'd ever been swayed by peer pressure, by the end of my trip it was all my show, my life and I'd already decided what changes needed to be made in order for me to begin to enjoy it as someone being honest with himself.

So. Here it is. It's kinda dull but it ends the story.

"Hello diary. It's been a few weeks. All I've used you for is to lean on to write letters. I'll make amends.

I honestly do like Hong Kong. It's such a vibrant, interesting place. It makes my head spin and fills me with excitement when I'm out and about. In lots of ways I'm sorted here. I now have my HK resident's card, I have a job and I have somewhere to live. Shih and Shih are great guys to live with but I rarely see them, they work such long hours. Sai Kung is lovely too. It's pretty and people are friendly, considering I'm one of the few gweilos in the place. It's a long haul into Central tho and the cash I spend getting to and from work and then on rent takes up most of what I get paid. I wish I'd taken that step and just gone to Chungking Mansions like all the other backpackers. I'd have met more people that way. It was so kind of Shih to take me in and it would have been fine if Jo had made it here. Jane said she'd fly out too but not sure if she actually means it.

I'm lonely here. I don't seem to have made friends like I did everywhere else. Sometimes I go to Central to walk around or go to the peak to write my letters just so I'm where there are lots of people. I've found myself eagerly volunteering to take photos for people so that I get to talk to them. That sounds so weedy but it's true! I s'pose I speak to people at work but as I'm the only person there, it's just customers but everyone's in such a rush here they barely say two words.

I've been thinking about home a lot lately. I don't really miss it. Not sure if I should feel bad about that or not. I've never been the kind of person to get homesick so I suppose that's why. I do miss mum and dad though. Pete and Martin have written a fair bit. Mark never writes - for some reason he seemed annoyed when I left and two years later I haven't found out why, nor has he replied to letters. Wierd as Bev has replied and they were supposed to have moved in together by now.

...oops. I left writing this a couple of days ago as I needed to meet Shih. Things have changed a lot in such a short time.

I guess I'll find out why Mark hasn't written fairly soon as I've decided that I'm going home. I had a bit of a fiasco at STA as they told me my whole return ticket was only worth £60 and I'd have to pay more for my flight back. I don't understand how it all works and the lady in the shop didn't really know why either. I had to put it on my credit card. The woman at STA suggested I contact head office when I get back. I've got a flight anyway and I'm due to arrive home on mum's birthday which is a good present, I reckon. I'm flying on Virgin Airways, a new airline for me - they've got TV's in every seat! I could do with a bit of telly - it's been ages.

I'm looking forward to going home now. Only 2 days to go. It's hot and sticky here and I feel as if I haven't seen proper seasons for such a long time. I can't wait to see some non-tropical trees that will lose their leaves in a few weeks. What a nerd. Mum and dad seem really pleased. I haven't seen them for nearly 2 years. Wonder if they'll think I've changed. I wonder if they have!

I'm going out for dinner with Shih, Shih, King and the christian girls tomorrow to say goodbye. The girls tried to persuade me to stay. They're lovely and Shih P says that they all desperate for me to ask one of them out. He also laughed and said that they hope I'll go to church with them and join their social club. Small panic about that. The last thing I need is someone to try and convert me to a die-hard church-goer. They'd freak if they knew what was going on inside my head. They haven't seen Shih working out in the spare room like I have. Perhaps another reason why it's best I left. I'm not sure I can carry on with my act any more, not whilst he's parading around with very little on apart from sweat covering a billion muscles.

So. Homeward bound. I'll write more tomorrow and then I reckon one more post when I get home to finish it all off."

I never did finish it off. Shih and Shih gave me a watch as a leaving present - I nearly blubbed. My intentions of writing a final homecoming entry were never carried out. I was excited to get home, it was great to see my parents, brother and friends again. I arrived home early on a Saturday morning. I picked up my diary on Monday morning to complete my account of my journey. I couldn't write anything. It hit me that I'd made a massive mistake. I couldn't believe I was home and that I'd now need to find a job, pick up my old life with my old friends and carry on as if nothing had happened. I cried for hours. It's a good job everyone else was out at work.

Fortunately for me, by then my passion for travel had become hard-wired into my brain. After a couple of days moping I realised that any career ambitions I may have had were no longer relevant. I didn't care about work. I just wanted more travel. My flight home had given me an idea. I needed to be able to combine the two things. I decided that home couldn't live up to where I'd been and the only place in the UK that could, would be London. It was also the place that I knew I'd feel safest and have more opportunities for... well... for everything I'd need as a gay man.

Oddly enough, my Virgin flight spurred me into a career in travel but it was quite a few years later before I actually considered that it might be a good company to work for. It is. Now I do.

These days I travel all of the time, often for work, all of the time for pleasure. I'm truly content.

Another slice...

Ok. My last post seemed to be of some minor success... so I'll continue in a similar vein with a different kind of twist. In my last post I explained that Australia had a special place in my heart. This is just one of the reasons why.

People travel around the world for many reasons and whilst backpacking these were often topics of discussion when meeting new people. What inspired them to travel, why they'd chosen to travel where etc. Lots of folks do it just to broaden their experiences and 'find themselves'. Now, if I'd had a pound for every person who'd said that to me I'd have been able to do the whole 2 year trip in First Class luxury and would never have had to worry about bedbugs or finding cockroaches in my bags. My point of view at the time (and even now, to some extent) was "pffft! What a load of bollocks!" Finding oneself seemed such a load of nonsense.

One very hot, very overcast, very humid day in Queensland I found myself considering the whole thing. It had been a stressful few days - the 4 of us hadn't been getting on so well - crammed in a camper van together for a few months meant all our nerves were fraying and I strode off down Mission Beach to get away from everyone so that I didn't thump them instead.

I thought about the concept of self discovery whilst travelling - at first I rejected it all then I did discover one thing... that being honest with myself wasn't as difficult as I expected it might be...

"...We left Cairns and drove the short journey to Mission Beach in the rain. The campsite is really nice and really close to the sea. I spent the afternoon alone on the beach. I love Jane, she's my best friend, but even she's getting on my nerves at the mo. Nick and Steve are driving me mad. They're so dull and, as far as they're concerned, anything that seems different or interesting about Australia just means deviating from their planned route or will just cost extra in petrol.

I sat on the beach this afternoon and really missed mum and dad. Right now I want to be with people who love me just because. It got me to thinking. Jane says she's really missing Ravi. I miss my family and my friends. I don't have anyone that I miss because I'm in love with them. It hurts. It hurts because I know why. I sat on the sand for a little while trying to avoid what had made it's way into my mind. There was no-one else there to distract me and sandcastles just don't do the trick at times like that. I can't believe how much I panicked. I felt so anxious and a bit sick forcing myself to really - REALLY - think about who I am. At one point I was so angry about it I thrashed around like a kid. That made me feel even more stupid so I slumped in a gloomy pile on a beautiful beach in a beautiful country and felt wretched. Fortunately, I've been blessed with at least a bit of an optimistic outlook. I decided I have no choice and that I need to deal with it.

I sat with my feet in the sea for a while which cheered me up and then decided I'd go and have a beer with Jane.

Don't know what to do now. I feel better that I've woken up to myself but totally clueless about what should be next.

Fuck I'm scared."

Mission Beach, Queensland, Australia. The place I eventually accepted I'm gay.

I even took a picture of it to make sure I didn't try to blank it from my mind. It took me a long time to do anything about it tho. I wish I'd tried harder but I was young and a bit spooked.

Preserves

OK. Here goes. A couple of posts ago, when at a loss of what to blog about, Brechi came up with the splendid suggestion of wrting about a memento I'd had for over 10 years. As I mentioned in my last post I don't really keep much stuff but it did give me an idea...

I've been hugely fortunate to have travelled an enormous amount in my time. I'm massively grateful that I've been able to do it and it's something that I'll keep inside forever as some of the most amazing things I've ever done. I backpacked around huge junks of the globe for 2 years and then again around South Africa and Zimbabwe for 4 months in a seperate trip.

All of the small, easily carried mementos reminding me of special things/times/people that I did have were stolen in 2 places - both in Australia - bad Australians!

A bloke in Perth took everything of value from my bag at a youth hostel in Northbridge - he was a Perth guy working at the hostel and of course we all trusted him. Sadly when the police caught up with him, he'd got rid of everything he'd stolen from us poor travelling folk.

Then, in Sydney many months later, someone stole my whole bag from under our table in a bar in The Rocks.

The wide world of thieves, beggars, con-men and liars were unable to get to me but when I let my guard down in Australia someone took advantage.

I don't blame Australia though, as being there was a part of my trip that has a special place in my heart. I made so many friends and met so many amazing people, quite a lot of whom I'm still extremely close friends with today. I actually cried when I had to leave Sydney as my visa was due to expire and I was unable to extend it again. There are claw marks right through the check-in area and departures hall where I was dragged through to my flight, totally heartbroken and in despair.

So... my memento. All I have left apart from memories and photos are my diaries. I shall now copy an entry from my diary. Today's date, 14 years ago, Koh Samui, Thailand (pre "The Beach", pre the arrival of sealed roads and electricity to most of the island)....

"September 2nd 1993

We got up to catch the early boat back to Samui and have breakfast. However, Michelle had been out all night and wasn't back in time so we missed it, as we couldn't go without saying goodbye. She's the first of our merry band to break out alone. She'd had a drunken argument with her Australian bloke on their last night together and she was upset and weepy. She brightened up over her breakfast tho and then it was time for her to leave us. She's off to Krabi first and then Koh Phi Phi before heading through Malaysia, Singapore and Bali. We said our farewells and she was off to her boat. We'll meet back up with her in Indonesia or Australia.

We lounged around all morning and then had lunch (action packed day as always on Koh Pha Ngan), after which we dragged our rucksacks down to the beach to where the small boat was to collect us and take us out to the ferry. The little boat was packed and so low in the water. My arse was soaked as I was perched on the side - I had my bum in the ocean for most of the ride. All of the rucksacks were piled up high on the flat bit at the front of the boat and wobbled dangerously. I'm so relieved mine was wedged right in the middle, as the ones on the bottom were waterlogged and the ones on top drenched from the splashing of the waves.

When the boat got to the ferry, we all had to clamber up the side of the ferry on ropes. No mean feat when the little boat was crashing against the side of the ferry due to the waves and we had to then haul our rucksacks up on ropes, not to mention a very cranky and frustrated Jane whose feathers were extremely ruffled at the indignity of being dragged and hauled up like cargo because of her plastered leg. I wouldn't make a good pirate, which is a shame as I reckon I'd suit stripey jumpers and an ear-ring, not to mention all that rum and yo-ho-ho...

When we arrived at Bo Phut on Samui we managed to get a bus into Chaweng. Steve and I had to sit on the roof with the bags - bloody hell, I wish that I could travel in comfort and style just at least once whilst I'm in Thailand.

I had crab fried rice for dinner but forgot (again!) that here they don't shell their seafood so I spent the whole time crunching away and winkling bits of shell and bone out of my mouth. Must remember to order chicken.

After some 35 baht cocktails we thought, that as they are sooo cheap we should have some more. After many 35 baht cocktails and much fabulous barefoot dancing I was boiling hot. I went for a swim in the sea - still so warm at night. I thought I must have been REALLY trashed or that there was more than just alcohol in my drinks because the sea had lots of twinkly patches in it. I thought my eyes were having a bit of a fit, but each time I rubbed them and looked again there were definitely glittery patches in the water. Apparently, I am quite sane, someone told me it's "phosphorescence" caused by super small jellyfish. Not sure if that's true or not but it was amazing. They also told me off for being stupid and swimming at night when I was pissed. Fair point I s'pose."

sigh. Oh! to be young and adventurous again. Oh! to have Thailand unspoiled and undiscovered again. Oh! to have hair again...

Apologies for the ropey photo but it's quite tough getting a 14 year old photo into a system that wasn't invented when the picture was taken. It's from a bar called Bauhaus in Lamai, Koh Samui, around about the time the diary entry was written.