...

... thud...

.

Blog Salmonella...

Can you hear it...? It's very faint but it's still there - just. It's the weakening pulse of my blog.

I've been thinking. I've neglected it so badly for well over a year now. Maybe it's time I put a fast and lethal bullet through it's temple to finish it off humanely. It's the kindest thing to do.

Too much cake isn't always a good thing. The arteries of my blog have furred up and it's become slow and stodgy. I don't look after it enough and it limps on untended and unloved. I don't think anyone reads it these days; there's rarely anything new on here to read. So. What's the point?

I spent some time musing on why I enjoyed writing it. Strangely, those reasons still exist - I do still enjoy writing stuff. I just don't seem to have the motivation any more.

I wonder if there's some kind of blog vet who could pop a needle into a saggy old bit of skin and restore the once shiny, wet nose of my blog and put the swish back into it's previously waggy tail? If only I knew where to find the blog vet. I suspect that he may be like the Wizard of Oz - but a lot more handsome with smashing teeth and lovely hair - really only in my mind and my blog's last prayers.

Sheesh! Blog death row. It's come to this.

Is there any salvation out there? Anyone wanna write a post or two for me? Guest speakers in a manner of er... speaking. I remember whilst backpacking, I wrote a few of my friends' post-cards as they coudn't be arsed. It was fun writing on behalf of someone else and, of course, gave me the opportunity to spread untold impish naughtiness.

Noose, bullet or poison? Possible saviour?

Anyone?

Stale

Curses! I said I wouldn't let it happen again and look what's happened! My blog has gone all stale and out of date. Again.

Not that it really matters as I don't have that many people drop in any more. Why should they? - it's all old news. Oh, poor, poor blog. I've neglected you so much.

Right. then. Let's get this tidied up and back on track.

My blog is about cake - kinda. Sadly I've given cake up. It's heart-breaking really. My digestive system has taken an absolute hammering over the last 40 years. I've put it through some tough stuff. Now, it's having it's revenge. I've had to give up some of my favourite things to stay healthy. It was grim at first but now it's kind of easy - it's all my own fault and I look back at the punishment I've inflicted on myself and I'm really not surprised! OK. List of things I can no longer eat/drink

• bread - absolute agony


• cake - see above


• biscuits - holy crap - more favourites wiped out. sob!


• pasta


• rice - only in small amounts


• wine - a particularly upsetting abstention


• champagne - could it get any worse?! But it's like drinking battery acid for me these days


• breakfast cereal - tragedy. I used to have cereal for dinner sometimes - I love it so much.


• milk - I never drank much milk anyway but full fat seems to be worst

Pleasingly vodka, chocolate, potatoes (which therefore means chips and crisps - yay!) and yoghurt are still fully accepted by my now moody, old-age body so all is not lost. Although I do look like a dirty old boozer drinking vodka tonics at the dinner table when everyone else is carping on about how excellent the wine is. God! I'm turning into Sue Ellen!! Meh! I'm over it.

So. How great is cake? Well. Obviously it is GREAT. But I don't get to eat it much now. However, I do allow it occasionally which makes it more of a treat.

On the upside of all this, I've lost about 2000 kilos and all my clothes are now too big. Perhaps I should change the blog to "How Great is Shopping"

I'm still totally obsessed by food though and my current passion is one I'm not proud of... I just can't eat enough crabsticks!! TOH and friends all look on with horror as I plough through tons of the things. Japan will soon be experiencing an unexplainable shortage and restaurants all over Tokyo will be out of business. I'll also be turning pinky orange and will smell, unattractively, of the wrong side of the wharf. I'm such a catch. TOH must feel so lucky.

Dubai has become just super-duper. Winter has set in and it's glorious. 30 degrees today with a cheeky breeze to freshen everything up. For the first time in months we've been able to turn the AC off and throw all of the doors and windows open. The cleaner will be shovelling sand from all of the corners as a result if the wind picks up but for now we're loving it. I even wore a jumper the other day - I felt chilly.

Right then. I'm off outside into the blue-sky day.

Ciao my lovelies!

snacks

It's been a while. Again. Miss me?

OK. I've lived in the UAE for a little over a year now and a lot has changed. I've decided to list my top 10 things that I like about living here.

1. It's always sunny. I'm from the UK, it makes a difference - believe me.

2. I can see the beach and the sea from my living room and I live on a cool marina.

3. I've made some great new friends.

4. The place is literally growing around us. It's sprouting out of the ground as we watch.

5. It is a city that never sleeps - there's always somewhere to go.

6. Food. Any kind of cuisine, from anywhere in the world is available almost always within a few minutes of my apartment.

7. Anything (and more) in point 6 can be delivered if I'm feeling lazy or hungover.

8. The architecture is bizarre, amazing and without limits. Some hate that but I think the triumphs in building the most ridiculous ideas are incredible.

9. Having a gym in my building has now actually forced me to get in shape, lose weight and look much healthier.

10. Sunsets. They don't last very long here but the unbelievable beauty would probably be too much to cope with if they went on any longer.

11. Crabsticks. I know, I know. I only said top 10 and you can get crabsticks anywhere. But I've become obsessed. Is that wrong? Aah pfft. Bite me.

Greek Mezze

Aah me... Aren't holidays great?! I've just got back from a totally awesome time in Mykonos. It'll take me too long to explain why it was so good but I met lots of new, amazing people who I hope that I'll stay in touch with - more importantly it made me realise just how much I miss my friends and what good friends they are. I don't mean this in a mopey, sad way but in a "my friends are ace and I'm pleased that they are there" kind of way.

I haven't laughed so often or for so long in ages. Mykonos is beautiful and spending time lolling on the beach and catching up was brilliant. Of course there was a LOT of people watching to do so I was incredibly busy being nosey whilst slurping on a beverage - more often than not a cheeky afternoon rose.

My diet consisted mainly of vodka, strawberry daiquiris (very masculine if held in the right way and absolutely packed with vitamin C... ) and chicken kebabs. Shocker of a health plan, I know, but I don't think I've ever been on holiday and lost weight before... until now. I guess I understand why it's rare that you see fat alcoholics...

Of course I came home with all sorts of Mamma Mia dreams; owning my own guesthouse, singing and dancing on rocky outcrops, having very attractive locals hovering 'round my doorstep from dawn 'til dusk - the usual kind of thing. They are all fading now as I realise it would be totally different and I'd spend most of the time stuffing laundry into a machine or my arm up a blocked u-bend. However, it has made me realise something quite important. It's not exactly a bolt from the blue but one of those "I knew that all of the time but why did I never really think about it" kinda things. I've travelled a lot and fallen in love with more or less every place I've been to (with a few ropey exceptions). My biggest love affair was (and still is in a small way) with Sydney. All Australians may smile gloatingly. But. My epiphany is that I want to live in Europe - preferable on the Mediterranean somewhere. It just feels so right. I love it. Now just need to decide exactly where...

My pics of the holidays are mostly of people getting absolutely plastered and looking tremendously jolly but I'm sure that most of them wouldn't want to make a guest appearance on my blog, so the picture is of the hilarious shoes of an enormous towering trannie that stood next to us at a sea front bar in downtown Mykonos...

Crumpet

Hello

Again it's been some time but not as long as before. At least I don't think it has been. Umm.

Let's start with crumpets. I've had a real longing for them the past couple of weeks. I'm not sure why but thoughts of them dripping with butter and covered in marmite and melted cheese haven't been far from my mind. Maybe it's because they're not so easy to find here. Apparently there is a supermarket in Abu Dhabi that has them frozen. Maybe I need to take a road trip to Abu Dhabi and load up.

It's been a packed couple of weeks. Last week I was instructed (read 'ordered') to fly to Dublin for one day of work. It was a total waste of time and only for PR purposes rather than real recruitment. It makes me kinda mad that I have to raise people's hopes and expectations, yet in reality they won't ever be offered a job. The purpose of the trip was actually to sell seats rather than offer jobs to people on the brink of being made redundant. I'm not enjoying this aspect of my role. It's a strange company angle on marketing. In my previous company, this kind of tactic would never have been used - and that was a company who milked every ounce of opportunity from every situation. It's for reasons like this, and many dreadful others, that I've started to look for a new job. I really like living in Dubai so I don't want to leave. However, I can't live here without a visa and there are no visas without a job. So I have to find myself a new one before I can tell my current employers that they stink. I'll keep you all posted on progress. A recruitment professional looking for recruitment work during a recession... hmmmm... could be a while before something comes up!

I cooked a chicken for the first time in our apartment. Well, I say 'chicken'. The chickens on sale here are tiny. It's like stuffing a chaffinch. For 6 people I had to buy 2 birds, and I felt that was going to be a stretch. I made extra potatoes and stuff to fill everyone up. Dinner was a success. Hilariously, people didn't seem too arsed about the chicken - they were more excited about the potatoes - there were 2 Lebanese guests, 1 Indian and 1 Emirati. Roasted potatoes don't seem to feature in the cuisines from their homes. Who knew?! Roasted potatoes are cool.

It's Ramadan here now so we're not permitted to eat or drink in public during daylight hours. The place virtually grinds to a halt as the muslim followers get more and more tired as the month passes. It's so hot at the moment so it must be so difficult for them to get through to sunset before they can break their fast - even water is not permitted. However, as soon as that sun everyone eats like there's no tomorrow. It's great! There is no music in bars/restaurants and the atmosphere is much more subdued. Shops generally don't open until after sunset, restaurants/cafes are closed. So. What to do? Why, feck off to Mykonos - that's what!

In 6 days we're flying to glorious Greece and beautiful Mykonos. I can't wait. This time next week I'll be stuffing my face with dolmades and slurping on retsina.

I'll post about it on my return.

Quick Snack

Yet again, time has dragged on, mountains have risen and fallen, oceans have run dry and new species have evolved before being wiped out by pollution. I haven't posted for an age. Yet again, I have absolutley no excuse.

In fact right now, I can't even think of anything to post about. Cake? Hmmm... there has been some excellent cake in the past few weeks. Two worthy of note have been a terrifyingly good carrot cake at Lime Tree Cafe and a mind blowingly large slab of 'red velvet' at the Chocolate Cafe in Dubai Mall. The first was devoured immediately but I spent quite a bit of time during cake consumption using my best defensive fork manoeuvres to prevent George (my cake buddy) from scoffing all of the gooey cream filling bits before I could get a share. TOH arrived half way through so only enjoyed the crumbs. The Red Velvet was a total surprise (I'd only popped in for a drink of tea). It was the size of a small Fiat and covered in butter cream icing. My arteries hardened even as it was being walked to our table. TOH put on his best smug grin at my overindulgence... until his cupcake arrived. I think the work 'cup' was used loosely, as any receptacle that big surely must be considered a 'bowl'. My cake was too vast to finish and I left defeated and shamed by a mountain of dense red sponge.

I've also been on a fabulous holiday to Corsica - just before the dreadful forest fires started. It's such a beautiful place and I'd happily go back. I overindulged there so much, I actually made myself ill! Will I ever learn? Apparently not. This is the view from our villa at sunset. Also featured is me with the same sunset.

Summer is in full swing here now and the humidity is intense. I feel I need scuba gear just to walk to the shop around the corner. However, the good news is that summer is almost half over (when do you ever hear someone say that...?) which means we'll be able to enjoy outdoor living again in about 6 weeks. Yay!